Saying goodbye

I’ve never found saying goodbye easy. As much as I struggle to display my emotions saying goodbye is the one thing I really struggle to pull a mask over.

Over the past 18 months you’ve helped me focus and work on my eating disorder, but you’ve also helped me, bit by bit, discover a little more about who I am, why I am important, why I’m worth something, why my past does not need to define who I am now.

And more importantly, you’ve helped me start believing it.

I’ve been able to open up and admit things I thought I’d never say aloud, and not once felt judged for it. I’ve felt understood, like someone’s finally ‘got’ me. Someone is on my side and believes that I can do this, I can beat this, I’ve just got to believe in it myself, and most importantly not be afraid to be ‘me’.

I’ve gone from spending 12 years vomiting every single thing I ate – every meal, every snack, every binge – to eating meals, keeping them down, and even eating in front of people. You’ve helped me to control the anxieties, push through them and come out the other side, feeling stronger and with the faith that it is possible to do it all again.

Most of all, the support and understanding you’ve offered has made me feel less alone in all of this, and that in turn has helped to boost the confidence I have in myself.

I am scared about what lies ahead, but I also have more hope than I’ve ever had before that I might just be able to do this. The challenges that you’ve helped me to face and overcome, the self belief you’ve helped me build, the increasing faith in who I am is going to be invaluable in moving forward.

Thank you, for everything. I’m not great at putting things into words but I will never forget the extent to which you’ve aided my recovery so far.