I have struggled with disordered eating for as far back as I can remember. My earliest memories of realising that they way I ate maybe wasn’t ‘normal’ was at about the age of 8. The Eating Disorder kicked in around about age 15 when I started vomiting and never stopped.
ED has controlled my life through school, University, work, 4 pregnancies, marriage, motherhood. . . I don’t have a single memory that doesn’t involve the ED in some way.
I have spent a lifetime desperately clawing for some form of control in order to make myself ‘Perfect’.
I am so ashamed of this ‘other side’ of myself that I put about as much effort into disguising it from everyone (I’d had 2 children with my husband and been married 3 years before he realised I was unwell, and he only found out when he did because I told him myself) as I do into desperately keeping my body from getting ‘fat’.
So… This is The Other Side Of Me. A space where I can release the demons, so to speak. I’m hoping that this will help to assist my recovery in some way. I find speaking hard, but writing easy.
We’ll see how this goes. . .